A daughter? A sister? A distant relative? A best friend? A casual buddy? A medical student? A member of PBL study Group E? A first aid officer? An employee at a pharmacy? A research assistant? A traveller? A random member of society who has made a commitment to serve?
I'm not really sure right now, but my situation demands that I make a decision soon.
Last week, my mum had another stroke. She was taken to the hospital, where, amongst other things, an MRI was ordered. She never made it to the MRI though because out of no where, she started to feel an uncomfortable crushing tightness in her chest, before throwing up, and then suddenly losing consciousness. An ECG and some blood tests indicated a STEMI -- an angiogram further revealed an occluded left descending coronary artery. Two stents were put in, followed by a recovery period in ICU, where she had two episodes of tonic-clonic seizures that night.
We have a saying in Islam: "Alhamdulillah". It literally means "Thank God", but in actual fact the sayer is implying "Thank God, for and in spite of, everything". Alhamdulillah for the blessings and the misfortunes. Alhamdulillah she is still alive. We use this term to accept that which we've been granted and affirm our belief in there being greater wisdom in what happens to us, beyond that which we can foresee.
More imminently and practically (for yours truly, selfishly), I have my end of year exams in three weeks' time; after which, I have a month-long elective in Fiji, completely organised and paid for... then a very exciting research project that I was going to participate in and co-publish which, again, took a lot of time and energy to organise... and then, well you get the point. I won't lie - I'm greedy - I want to have my cake and eat it too. But, in light of the circumstances, this is becoming a seemingly impossible ambition. Furthermore, the University has kindly granted me the opportunity to defer my exams until a more suitable time. On the one hand, I just want to attempt these exams and get whatever mark I'm given, at the risk of failing altogether - but this will leave me with ample time in my holiday break to slot my various activities in. On the other hand, oh to not have to worry about exams for a little while later and just be able to concentrate on being with my family is such a wonderful relief - even if it means having to cancel my plans for Fiji and research in the holidays, as I will be studying for my deferred exams! The answer seems obvious, but that's the conundrum - what IS the right answer?!
Above everything, I am... confused and unsure of what to do.
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2 years ago
I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this. It sounds incredibly difficult.
ReplyDeleteSometimes we need to be a little bit selfish. Taking time to be with the ones close to you at the expense of uni can be seen as being selfish, too. It is, after all, only uni, no matter how hard we have worked for it and how important it is to us. It is also okay to take little breaks away from the stress and pressure that we feel when we are going through a family crisis - it means that we can come back refreshed and with more energy to help out.
Please take care of yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
I hope your mother is going okay and that your family are able to stay strong. I've been reading your blog for a little while.
ReplyDeleteMy father required a CABGx4 in my final placement for my nursing degree and I had to be selfish and defer my exams and put my prac (in ICU coincidentally) on hold to focus on my family. Looking back I don't regret it at all as I was able to be there for both Mum and Dad. Having the time to make impromptu trips up to CCU to take him a fresh juice and the papers made a big difference for all of us.
So sorry to hear that Sascha. Am praying for you guys.
ReplyDeleteWill the uni let you resit if you don't get the exam this time? I would say give it a go if it reduces stress and means you can spend more quality time with your family. It totally is not the end of the world if you don't "get them" though, as I am sure you know. In 20 years you won't remember the exams anyway.
*Hugs*.
Oh, Sascha. I'm thinking of you too. The only thing I can add to the kind sentiments everyone else has said is that whatever decisions you make, they will be the right ones. There surely cannot be a wrong choice in this situation. Take good care of yourself and all my best wishes for your mother.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind and considerate comments "The Girl", this experience has definitely helped remind me to keep things in perspective and not be so adamant on maintaining the status quo regardless of the changing environment around me. I would love to follow your blog but I noticed that it's private.. maybe one day we can be blog buddies :-)
ReplyDeleteMissjillycool - thank you very much for your well-wishes too! I hope your father is well now and on the other (safe) side of his experience! You're so right, a "selfish" decision in one regards, is a "selfless" act in another. I have really valued being able to hold my textbooks aside and just be able to visit my mum in the hospital without stressing out about impending exams. It really has make such a difference from my perspective and I hope from my mum's too.
Hey Dee, thank you for always leaving such positive comments :-) Yes, the Uni has allocated a resit session at the end of January so I've decided to take it up for the preservation of my sanity ;-) I love the "20 year" rule!! Makes life today a little less of struggle yeah? *hugs*
Oh M&2S! You are such a wonderful person and always write such considerate thoughts! Thanks heaps hun - I feel clearer in my mind now about what I should do, which is quite a pleasant place to be. Thanks for your well-wishes!
xo